© copyright Marianna Saran 7th September 2011. All Rights Reserved.
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When you’re a first time mum, you have all these doubts about whether you’re doing the right thing. Well at least I did. From the minute my Little Princess was born I was questioning myself. Was I holding her the correct way, was I bathing her right, being gentle enough, letting her cry too long, giving her the right foods and the list goes on. It then doesn’t help that you have all the experts’ on babies’ surface out of the centre of the earth to let you know exactly how you should be parenting! Where did all these people come from?
I really struggled with breastfeeding and I wanted to breastfeed Little Princess so much that I persevered with the help of the Australian Breastfeeding Association. How surprised I was that breastfeeding wasn’t anything like what I had seen in movies! Famous actor’s just subtlety popped their breast out looking ever so glamorous while feeding their most perfect baby in the world (this baby didn’t cry, protest, vomit or make a dirty nappy once in 3 hours). It’s almost like false advertising- there’s nothing glamorous about feeds at 2am when you can’t even see straight and you’re worried about holding your baby in case you fall asleep and drop her!
The pain of breastfeeding for a start can’t even be described, well actually it can it’s like a massive suction cap is stuck to you and it just won’t come off no matter how hard you run in the other direction.
The other hard part of breastfeeding was the comments I’d get from other people, which really used to annoy me- especially when these people were other mothers who had NEVER breastfed any of their children! “You’re not doing it right they have to be sitting up more”. “Maybe you don’t have any milk, your baby is starving just put her on the bottle”. For a new mum this is very overwhelming! How can all these people have degrees in breastfeeding and I don’t. The truth is they were all just sticky beaks and over time with advice from my own Mum (who always knows best and is always right for some very annoying unknown reason- but thanks mum couldn’t do it without you) I learnt to ignore everyone! And I went on to happily breastfeed my daughter for 11 ½ months.
If I’ve learnt anything as a first time mum it’s when people offer their advice say thanks, bank it for a raining day when you have absolutely nothing to do (if you ever have nothing to do please ring me and tell me how you managed it!) and then do whatever you think is right- because at the end of the day the person offering the advice doesn’t know your baby like you do and they don’t have to live in your circumstances!!
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Have you ever been told by at least one person that your baby’s unsettled behaviour is due to teething? I have many times and let me tell you I could’ve hit my head against a brick wall for listening to them!
I will never forget one experience I had with my daughter when she was 7 months old. For around one week she was unsettled, cried more than usual, wouldn’t eat anything, went off her milk feeds and was generally annoyed. During this week I was flustered and anxious trying to do everything I could to make her happy. I was worried because I wasn’t sure why my Little Princess was acting like this- the behaviour was extremely peculiar for her.
I had a feeling something wasn’t right, which I now know I shouldn’t have doubted. After chatting with numerous friends they diagnosed the problem themselves (despite having no experience as a paediatrician) using my list of symptoms. I got remarks such as “my little johnny went off his food when he was teething” and “oh my darling daisy tugged on her ears constantly when her first tooth came through”. Everything I heard made me believe Little Princess was just teething, after all she was 7 months old and still didn’t have one tooth.
So I brushed my concern aside telling myself all babies go through this teething stage, gave her panadol and went about my routine. It wasn’t until she didn’t improve that I decided to take Little Princess to the doctor, my mother’s instinct was right all along and I ignored it.
I was impatient waiting for the doctor. Little Princess’ name was called, and it took two seconds for the doctor to say “My this ear is very red”.
That day I felt like the worst mum in the world- I had let everyone convince me she was getting teeth, when really my daughter had a raging ear infection! The poor thing was in so much pain, I’m so lucky her ear drum didn’t burst.
I don’t let anyone these days diagnose my daughter unless they have a University Degree hanging in their doctor’s office. Always trust your mother’s instinct and remember not everything is caused by teething- if in doubt check it out!
Just for the record... Little Princess didn't get her first tooth until she was 9 months!
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Over the last year at times I have been so tired that I have co-slept with Little Princess to make my life easier, but she became so used to this that trying to put her in the cot to sleep by herself was a nightmare. While it's nice cuddling up to your baby, I don't recommend it to anyone- first of all because of SIDS (visit www.sidsandkids.org for more information) I was always worried I'd suffocate her and secondly while it may seem easier for you at the start, it becomes very difficult! You don't want them sleeping with you until they are six- and despite parents who do co-sleep telling you this will never happen, it does. My next child (if I’m lucky enough to be blessed with one) will be going straight into the cot!
I’ve read so many different books and internet articles all claiming to hold the top- secret tips to getting your baby to sleep, and after 10 ½ months of constantly interrupted sleep I was more than desperate for this secret.
Let me tell you none of the literature I read actually worked despite being implemented to the tee! I tried the control crying, putting Little Princess in the cot and letting her cry it out (which didn’t last long because the screaming wasn’t worth the headache).
I tried rocking my daughter to sleep and then putting her in the cot – well this just resulted in me getting sore arms because she never fell asleep or after she dozed off I couldn’t even breathe without waking her. In desperation for sleep I even tried keeping her up way past any tiny tots bed time in the hope she might collapse and sleep for the rest of the night, this technique just made me scratch my head because the sleepier I got the more energetic she became.
In the end I scrapped everything I read. Then one night it hit me, even though I had tried everything known to mankind, I realised that there was no real routine to Little Princess’ bed time and the whole thing seemed to be a scary experience for her. Every other part of her day is a happy routine experience so why not sleep time as well?
My brain starting ticking structuring how this bed time would work and this is what I came up with.
5.30-6.00pm:
Little Princess is served dinner- hopefully she eats some of it (usually it is flung around the
kitchen and found later in every nook and cranny of the house).
6.00- 6.30pm:
Bath time- I do have to say for me this usually is a 5 minute job, I’m not a mum that has
play time in the bath purely because I can’t be bothered and bath time is about getting clean
and relaxing not playing. I add a drop of lavender oil to the bath to help relax Little Princess
before bed.
6.30-6.45pm:
Reading time- once Little Princess is bathed and dressed, I don’t take her out of her room so
that she associates her room with bed time. We read a number of stories together, many of
which I could recite to you now after having read them so many times (I wish I had been
able to recite my oral assignments for school like I do these books).
6.45-7.00pm:
We have a bottle (weaning her from the breast was so difficult, but that’s a whole other
story!), a cuddle and go to bed. I usually have to pat her until she kind of dozes off. Again if
she wakes during the night which occasionally happens I just settle her back to bed with the
patting. Little Princess never comes out of her room until morning.
The first night I implemented my new timetable was frustrating. There was a lot of crying and screaming (ear plugs would have come in handy- but I didn’t have any) and not a lot of sleep at all! I started to doubt my routine, but gave it another chance the next night. As the nights progressed the more settled Little Princess became and within four days I was actually surprised how easily she adjusted to her new sleeping pattern.
I’m not going to lie, the first couple of nights were extremely tough, but my advice is don’t give up! Devise a routine that works for your family (mine works my family, but maybe it doesn’t suit yours and that’s fine there’s no right or wrong) and stay strong!
Make sleep time a happy experience, don’t make your baby feel like they have been sent to baby jail (I made this mistake). There will be tears and lots of them , remind yourself they are attention seeking tears (if you have fed, checked nappy and had a peek to make sure that they haven’t commando jumped and rolled out of the cot- sound ridiculous but it does happen!).
Going into the room every two minutes will just make the situation worse. So go into the room at intervals- 15 minutes and then stretch it out to 20 minutes before you go in the next time and so on. Never yell at your baby to get to sleep no matter how frustrated you become, this just makes them much more distressed and less likely to go to sleep (I know I hate being yelled at when I am trying to master something new).
Do set yourself boundaries though - when Little Princess was sounding extremely distressed I’d go in straight away to give her a cuddle. You must let your bub know that you haven’t gone anywhere so they still feel a sense of security. I then always pop her back into her cot say goodnight and leave the room again. Repeat this process as many times as you need to until your bub (or you) has fallen asleep.
Through this learning curve I discovered the real secret to getting your baby to sleep is a lot of persistence and tough love!
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I was so lucky I was able to breastfeed Little Princess up until recently (11 ½ months), despite having had a lot of trouble at the start. My mother wasn’t able to breastfeed for a long time, so that made me determined to do it as long as I could. The benefits for your bub are amazing – it’s great to build up their immune system and it’s got the right nutrients to nurture a baby’s growing body.
To begin with breastfeeding was very time consuming with feeds lasting up to an hour. Little Princess feeds were also frequent (every two to three hours) until she got older. I demand fed her so whenever I felt she needed milk I fed her. Even though nurses said it was better to have a routine of feeding every 4 hours, I was pretty sure that in the wild when baby animals are hungry, their parents don’t whip out a pocket watch to make sure that there’s been a lengthy amount of time between feeds. Anyway I did what worked for me.
The breastfeeding experience was amazing, the bond I established with my daughter incredible, as I could provide something for her that no one else could. However weaning her off the breast was a HUGE challenge.
I had in my mind that I would breastfeed Little Princess up until 12 months, at this age I don’t consider her to be a baby anymore- plus she has been having solids since 5 months (well I give them to her, what she does with them is another story) . Some people breastfeed up until four years old and good for them, it’s a very personal choice and only a breastfeeding mother knows when it’s time to wean their child.
Twelve months was the end of the line for me. When Little Princess was 11 ½ months I cracked it – I needed my body back, but how was I supposed to take something away from my daughter that was hers for so long?
I tried many tactics such as dropping a feed here and there, this didn’t work because every time she did get fed she remembered that she hadn’t had the last one and wouldn’t let go. At times she would even fight me to try to pull my top up- which I wouldn’t have a bar of!
I asked a lot of mums what they did to stop breastfeeding. Most people either gave their babies formula from 3 months (at this age they don’t really know what’s going on), were still breastfeeding their toddlers or their bub’s weaned themselves (lucky mums). I will never forget one parent’s advice “just fall pregnant again, because the taste of your milk changes and usually they wean themselves.” I won’t write what I was actually thinking when I heard this, but it was something along the lines of I’m trying give my body some relief after almost 21 months (let’s not forget the pregnancy period) not commit it to another 2 years under extreme pressure (by pressure I’m referring to the intense labour of giving birth and lack of sleep thereafter). I would really love another child-but not just yet.
So after having no luck with any of the advice, I continued to devise my own strategies. I tried giving her normal milk (being so close to 1 I put her straight onto cow’s milk ) in a special Sippy cup- this only worked when the contents of the Sippy cup was a caramel milkshake- I couldn’t pull the cup away from her! Being the responsible mum that I am, this was a one off treat, no way was I letting her ingest that much sugar just to wean her. If I put plain milk in the cup it just got spat everywhere which she thought was quite hilarious. Not so funny if you’re the one that has to clean it up.
In the end I went cold turkey, I had had enough of trying to be the good mum, and taking things slowly were obviously not working. I am the one in charge after all and what I say goes. Believe it or not cold turkey actually worked. I just put a drop of vanilla extract in the milk and I put it into a baby’s bottle. Little Princess has now been drinking normal milk for 3 weeks- as if she had never been breastfed and I no longer even have to put vanilla in it!
The only problem with this method was that the pain of being engorged was very intense, as I wasn’t giving her any feeds. I just used to express a little milk to relieve the pain. Now everything is back to normal.
I have made sure that I retain the special bond with my Little Princess that was created during breastfeeding. Other activities such as reading, drawing and playing outside replace the feeds she used to have.
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As mums I think we all have that one horrible story that sends chills down our spine when we think about it. So far touch wood I have only had one bad experience and honestly I really hope it’s the only one I ever have.
Little Princess was 4 months old and had started her solids. I was at a friend’s house longer than expected and Little Princess was hungry. So I decided to give her a piece of watermelon. My friend cut a tiny piece of watermelon. I instantly snatched the piece of fruit claiming it was too small and could cause Little Princess to choke. I swapped it for a bigger one – what a mistake.
I gave it to Little Princess and looked away for one second. I looked back at her and she gave me this funny look. When I asked her if she was alright it was as if her eyes were talking to me telling me something was wrong. I looked at the watermelon she was holding and my heart stopped a huge chunk was missing.
I grabbed Little Princess like a rag doll and shoved my finger in her mouth. I could feel the huge piece lodged in her throat! This sent me into panic, Little Princess was gasping for air. I immediately shook her upside down as hard as I could and yelled at my friend to call the ambulance.
I was hitting her on the back- nothing was working the piece wasn’t coming unstuck. I honestly thought my baby was going to die. Then my motherly instinct kicked in I put my finger in her mouth and tried to pull the watermelon out- I couldn’t.
So I pushed the watermelon down her throat (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS AS YOU CAN PUSH OBJECTS DOWN A CHILDS THROAT AND THEY CAN GET STUCK EVEN WORSE- I WAS JUST LUCKY THE WATERMELON WAS WATER BASED AND DISSOVLED and in a time of panic I didn't really think of the consequences my action could have had) and then stuck her on the breast to wash it all the way down. I was lucky this worked- God was smiling on me this day.
I was shaking and crying and my baby was screaming. The ambulance was called off once the operator established she was stable, but they instructed us to take Little Princess to emergency to have her checked to make sure she was ok.
Luckily there was no fluid in her lungs, and the nurse told me little pieces of food are better ( I wanted the earth to swallow me, because of my actions my daughter almost died). This was a huge wake up call to me of how quickly an accident can happen. I was so scared to give my daughter any food for ages after this incident. Even now that she is 1 if I hear her choking on food it really scares me.
This incident prompted me to do a first aid course. The first aid course also opened my eyes to all sorts of other accidents that can happen around the home that you don’t even think of. For example so many children have drowned just from putting their face in a dog bowl, as they panic and can’t get back up. Children can also tend to hide in old things lying around the house outside such as old ovens or microwaves and they become stuck and suffocate. Please be really careful and assess your home, and try and not leave your children unattended.
If you’re reading this I hope you go and do a first aid course, the one I did was basic however I like to think I am kind of prepared if- God forbid- anything happens.
Also I have learnt that as Little Princess gets older I can’t be too careful of keeping an eye on her, children are extremely curious, fast and don’t know the meaning of danger.
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It seems that toddlers hardly eat anything, and as the year’s progress, we develop into adults and can’t stop munching (I would say for me this problem started in my mid 20’s around the time my daughter was born)!
Little Princess, who has now entered the toddler years drives me absolutely bonkers when it comes to meal times!
According to medical professionals my daughter is slightly underweight for her age group- this doesn’t surprise me as firstly she was only a tiny baby when she was born, secondly I am only tiny and thirdly she’s an extremely fussy eater- to give you some idea of how fussy -she’s the only kid I know who doesn’t even like hot chips!
From the time Little Princess started solids I have spent hours slaving away in the kitchen cooking a variety of foods children in less fortunate countries would love to devour. Tasty vegetable and fruit purees, healthy muffins, French toast, roasts, pancakes, stews the list goes on, just this week I spent two hours slicing chicken breast, making fresh bread crumbs and a seasoning for homemade chicken nuggets- as soon as it was served up it was tossed like rubbish on the floor- very frustrating to say the least.
I always use fresh ingredients to give my daughter the vitamins she needs, the only problem is the food must venture into the stomach to be of any nutritional value. Feeding my toddler is like getting ready for battle. I must be prepared for hours of the unknown, I must have determination and strength and I must be armoured to protect myself from projectile food.
Lately my daughter has discovered she can poke her tongue out when a spoon full of food comes flying towards her to stop it from entering. If any food happens to actually be lucky enough to get into her mouth it is sent straight back out with a weird lip spattering motion (it results in a shower of yogurt or mash all over me, which Little Princess thinks is amusing). You could say I have given up on any food that requires spoons.
I give Little Princess a lot of finger foods, with the hope if she feeds herself something might go in. This morning I gave her a slice of toast with avocado on it. Little Princess picked up the slice look at me with a glare, ran one of her fingers down the avocado, closely inspected the green muck on the end of her finger screwed up her face- which translated into mum what is this poison- and tossed it.
Little Princess has also mastered the art of “pretend eating”. Daintily a small piece of food is picked up in the pincer grip, the mouth is opened, the food is brought to the mouth, it’s then sneakily dropped so it falls down her chest into the highchair, then the chewing motion is made (pretty clever really, why didn’t I think of that at 1?).
I’ve tried giving Little Princess a buffet of frequent snacks throughout the day to find them strewn across her play area. I’ve tried disguising veggies in just about everything you can imagine and nothing works. All I can do as a mum is pull my hair out and continue to persist and hope that one day she becomes super hungry and will eat – something- anything!
Well maybe not anything. The only things Little Princess will happily eat are not food. This includes fluff that hides in places I don’t know about, people’s toes, people’s hair, carpet, chairs, paper, grass, leaves, pencils pretty much any material that is not edible. I also caught her playing with a spider the other day.. Which if consumed may have contained a little protein- however a dash to emergency was just not on my list of things to do that day!
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Little Princess was very unfortunate last week and had bad gastro for five days. As it was her first serious illness I was as nervous as could be and had no idea what I was in for.
Little Princess was losing fluid from both ends- nothing would stay in at all (I can’t understand how someone so small had so much stuff coming out of her). Nothing made her happy, she would just slouch on her chair or lie on the floor lifeless staring at the wall. This worried me like crazy, as my daughter usually bounces off the walls and I can’t stop her.
On the Tuesday morning at 5am, after keeping no fluid down I gave my mother in law a call and we bundled Little Princess up and took her to emergency. The staff on this shift was very good. They gave my Little Princess gentle care and also prepared her with numbing cream should she have needed a drip. Little Princess was given a special tablet to help stop her vomiting. This was like a miracle pill it stopped her vomiting straight away and she started drinking on her own accord again so we were happily sent on our way.
At home, Little Princess was eating again and drinking and I thought all was rather jolly until all of a sudden the miracle pill wore off and everything that I had given her in the past six hours was now all over me and all over her, of course I had just given us both a shower and we were in our PJ’s.
So after cleaning up a disgusting mess for the 100th time in 24 hours, back to the hospital we went as I was very worried Little Princess would quickly become dehydrated. This time when I arrived at the emergency department the treatment was very different, and to be honest I just wanted to yell at everyone who crossed my path. I saw the triage and was informed that there was nothing wrong with my daughter because she looked fine, then like a big hero she gave her some panadol and gastrolyte- are you kidding me, trying to remain clam I ignored her.
Triage nurse (if you read this you will know who you are) do not ever tell a mum her child is fine, because firstly you don’t live with me to know what my child looks like when she is fine, secondly I can assure you no mother, such as myself, in their right mind is going to present themselves at emergency to wait five hours for a doctor, all while being treated like dirt because you thought my daughter was fine. Last time I checked severe vomiting and dirreaha in a toddler who can’t keep a sip of water down is not fine.
I really hope no other mother is made out to be some kind of nut like I was because it’s the last thing you need at a time like that, but I’m sure it’s happened before I came along and will happen again, just stand your ground DO NOT let someone tell you everything is fine if in your heart you know it’s not.
I have to thank one doctor who saw us in the morning, who by chance came back on shift that night. If it wasn’t for her I think my daughter would have had more complications as she would have been severely dehydrated. Little Princess was admitted and put onto a drip for the night. The next day she was still very lethargic, but by the afternoon she had picked up, so we were once again discharged.
Having been 48 hours I thought surely the worst was over. It wasn’t. Little did I know I was in for more sleepless nights. Little Princess continued spraying out both ends right up until Friday morning. I had several trips to the GP as well who was assessing her closely. Little Princess went from being 8.2kg to just 7.1kg – I was shocked at how much water she had lost from her tiny body.
Thankfully the gastro came to an end after I spent all Thursday night awake giving my daughter little sips of gastrolyte every two minutes in her sleep.
Thank God the Little Princess I know is back and healthy again.
